Allowing Others

When we’re in intimate relationship with others we natural want to influence their decisions.  We want to be taken into consideration, have our needs met and feel safe.  What happens when someone you love needs to move in a different direction, one that isn’t your  true desire?  It may be a child choosing not to go to college, or a spouse who wants to leave their job.  It may be a partner feeling the need to leave you and move toward someone or something else in life.  When this happens we usually panic.  Things are not unfolding as we want them to.  We may experience anger, grief, insecurity or resistance. Are you able to allow others to have their choices?  Are you able to support them even when it means you don’t get what you want?

 

When we move into acceptance of someones choice, we are honoring the truth that each person has a unique path.  Each person needs to make choices and experience the consequences of their choices.  This is how they learn, grow, and become.   We tend to exert pressure on those closest to us, and by doing this we take away their freedom of choice and direction.  This comes from fear and habit, not love.  It takes a clear intention, to allow another to be who they are, regardless of how it turns out for us.

 

 

In Alignment

This morning my back went out.  This is an opportunity in alignment.  Thats funny, I just realized that when my back is doing well it’s in alignment.  So when it’s not, how can I be?  This morning the practice began with taking care of my back, then moved into a healing meditation, affirming flow, and moving slow.  Resisting what is ~ that my back is screaming for attention only creates more pain.  When I soften into what is happening and let all resistance go I actually feel pain free.     This has been a life journey for me.  In my youth I felt frustrated  by my seeming lack of control. Now many years later I realize I always have an opportunity to respond to what is happening.   This is my point of power.  This is where I can benefit myself and others.

A Golden Opportunity

There are moments, situations, or days, when the reality of life falls short of your desire or vision.  It feels like your effort in a particular direction has failed.  It’s easy to feel like something is wrong.  Like life is not cooperating, that you are failing, not good enough or somehow intrinsically flawed.   This moment when the tendency is to believe that you are lacking, is a golden moment. Can you take this tender, vulnerable feeling and breathe into it?  Can you remind yourself that you are precious, that even though it doesn’t feel like it ~ you are loved?  Life isn’t conspiring against you, it’s flowing and you are wanting it to flow differently.  Can you create flow internally?  Can you move in some way differently?

Sometimes Sadness

There are times in life when deep sadness seems to permeate our experience.  If we allow ourselves to feel without distraction or medication we may experience a deep sorrow welling up from our hearts and lungs.  The intensity of deep sadness or grief can overwhelm us.  It’s as if the life spark has gone out of us.  There is a location in the middle of this.  Stay there for a few moments and breathe.  The feelings can be overwhelming so we tend to get away from them.  Release the need to hide or get away and simply breathe into and through the feelings.   Crying is a natural release.  Gentle movement or soaking in hot water may help as well.  In Karla McLarens book Your Aura & Your Chakras ~ The Owners Manual she has a brilliant chapter on emotions ~ Energy in Motion.  In this she says that each emotion contains everything that’s needed to resolve the emotion.  If we stay open and awake to the sadness, the grief, the anger, and allow it to move through us, it will naturally complete its cycle.  We have been taught that strong emotions are threatening to ourselves and others. That they should be avoided.  See if you can stay with the next wave of emotion that you feel.  Release the need to think about it…simply feel the emotion and breathe with it.  To think about a situation or person that’s triggering the emotion will prolong your experience.  To be with your feeling and breathe through it will allow your body to release it.   Tonglen, a Buddhist practice described in Pema Chodrons books is also a wonderful mindfulness practice when strong emotions arise.

Practices That Will Help You Shift

In this amazing time of transition, we are offered the opportunity to cultivate mindfulness as well as demonstrate love through action. We now have the opportunity to release fear, change limiting patterns, and connect to our own internal guidance system. Here are a few simple practices that will help you change your patterns.

If you notice fear arising ~ Take three long deep breaths. Remind your body to Relax and Release.

If you feel scattered ~ Rub your forehead right above your eyes, your feet and your toes. Bringing yourself more into body awareness. Then imagine that your body is a magnet and you are collecting your energy back from all the places and people you have left it with. If youʼd like to follow a guided meditation please click on Calling Your Energy Back To Your Body.

If you donʼt know how to move and feel stuck ~ move into meditation, prayer, yoga, dance, or journaling. Choose an activity that feels positive to you.

If life seems overwhelming ~ slow down and do something simple i.e.:walk, eat a good meal, take a bath, read an inspirational book. Nurture, nurture, nurture!

If you catch yourself thinking about what doesnʼt work in your life ~ create a gratitude list. Ester Hicks would say “go on a rant”. IE: Iʼm so grateful for the sun shining, the wind chimes blowing, the warm breeze, the smell of plumeria, the love that surrounds me, the way my mind is expanding, the fact that I can dance, that this planet has beaches, dolphins, crazy wonderful characters, amazing creativity and abundance. Thank you for all the blessings in my life, keep them coming….I am so grateful!

Keep going until you notice your energy shift. When you feel a smile coming on or a deep sigh in your body your energy is open and flowing again.Life and technology are moving at a rapid speed compelling us to move faster. This has created an imbalance in our nervous systems. You are not alone if you feel overwhelmed. Slowing down is the best medicine. Become simple. Seek balance as the goal. Health and well being are assured if you move from a place of self love, self awareness and self care. Namasteʼ

 

Take A Deep Breath

This is a reminder to myself.  Take a deep breath, feel the back of your body. Sink deep roots into the earth.  Feel the wind move, the wind chimes playing, the rustle of the palm fronds.  Gather yourself back to this moment.  Let your mind soften, shoulders soften, breathe deeply, breathe deeply.  Release the doing, the forward movement.  All is well!

Desires & Expectations

Today I find myself ruminating about expectations.  When we expect something, we define the experience we want  to have before we have it.  We are setting parameters in order to control an experience and desired outcome.  This is a set up for disappointment.  We can’t control every outcome or experience, especially where others are concerned.

Whats the difference between expectation and desire?  A clear desire arises from within you and feels resonate with your body and being.  An expectation is an idea imposed by your mind or emotional body about a situation or person.  You may desire closeness to someone…this is natural,  but to expect a specific person will feel the same way or fulfill your desire is an expectation ~ an imposed belief.

How then to stay open to our natural desire without the overlay of expectation?  Ahh this is the question isn’t it!  Let desire flow through you, breathe into and through your desire, but release the tendency to grasp, manipulate, or control the outcome.  Let yourself enter into the flow of life, trusting that your desire will be met in a unique way, free of the limitation of your own expectation and control.

Loving What Is

In Bryon Katie’s book “Loving What Is”, she urges us to realize that our resistance to a situation will create frustration, resentment, even illness.  You may ask “How can I love war, injustice, an unfaithful husband”.  This is a great question, that if investigated, could lead you to the heart of acceptance, forgiveness, expanded awareness and love.  Start with something simple like being sick.  Can you relax into the condition you’re experiencing in present time?  Can you listen to your bodies needs without overriding them? Do you punish yourself or others.  If so, can you stop blaming them?  There are so many ways each day that we can cultivate acceptance, appreciation, and openness.

 

Byron Katie tells a story about being  frustrated by her husband and son’s lack of help keeping the house clean.  She alternates between blaming them, feeling resentful, and demanding that they help her.  As she goes through the process that she calls “THE WORK”, she recognizes that she wants the house picked up for herself and that she’s willing to take responsibility for her desire.  Once she does this, guess what?  Her husband and sons begin to pick up more frequently.  When we soften and open, those around us often respond in kind.   If you’re interested in Byron Katie and The Work check out her videos.  Mahalo to another wonderful teacher on this planet earth.

Mindfulness

Life is an amazing movement of inspiration, choices, and circumstances. It often challenges us when a choice we’ve made leads us in an unexpected direction, turns out differently than anticipated, or triggers our old emotional baggage.  It’s helpful at these times to recognize that life is energy moving….if seen from a neutral perspective it is neither good nor bad.   When we grasp, try to control or limit our experience we create energetic blocks.  It’s natural to recoil from something we don’t like or don’t want, but we do this so frequently that it becomes a habit.  The habit of contracting leads to imbalances on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual planes.

How then do we stay open to flow when something doesn’t feel good, when we want to hide or defend?  This is a question addressed by all mystical traditions.  The answer could be called mindfulness.  This is the ability to witness our conscious and unconscious actions.   When we develop our internal witness, we then watch our habits and can make a different choice.

A simple practice is to notice when you want to space out, avoid, or resist someone or something.  Instead of following this inclination which will contract you energetically, take three deep long breaths.  This will help you disengage from the habit.

There are hundreds, probably thousands of ways to cultivate mindfulness.  If this appeals to you check out Pema Chodrons books and tapes.

Blessings on your journey of unfolding….keep your energy moving and flowing.